Elegy For Lonesome George

As we relaunch our Galapagos Gay Cruise we pay homage to the world’s last, POSSIBLY GAY, Pinta Island tortoise.

Five years after we last embarked, Out Adventures returns to Ecuador aboard our Galapagos Gay Cruise. Before we do, however, we must honour an important forefather. Lonesome George was the penultimate symbol of the Galapagos Archipelago that passed away in 2012. It may be paradise on earth but it’s also where many species went extinct. Lonesome George was literally the last Punta Island tortoise. Rumour has it he was also light in the loafers. As they’d say in Ecuador, “¡Escandolo!”

Allow us to pay tribute to our ambiguously gay reptile with an elegy. This lament for the dead will deliver serious reflection, preposterous self-indulgence and a chance to learn about the rarest creature that lived. He was only 100 years old when he passed away. A whipper-snapping spring chicken compared to his peers. Except they were already dead.

His species was already considered extinct
When Lonesome George was found
They were the snack-du-jour for seal hunters
Who ate them into the ground

His habitat was further destroyed
By a herd of goats brought in
They ate ALL of George’s favourite things
And ruined the ecosystem

But in a situation where he should have basked
Encouraged to mate with similar species
Advances were spurned…questions were asked
Was Lonesome George…a friend of Dorothy’s?

Despite several attempts to procreate
The copulation results were never great
Someone even offered ten thousand dollars
If anyone could find George a suitable mate

They brought in a biologist with a special skill
She was the way…there was a will
She knew how to make tortoises ejaculate – what a job!
But nothing happened when she pulled on George’s knob

Others would then insist they’d seen George
Actually humping a lady or two
But was it a more manly specimen
That would actually make George spew?

Today, preserved for eternity, Lonesome George resides at the Charles Darwin Research Station on Santa Cruz Island. He stands as a permanent reminder of our obligation to help protect endangered species: 250,000 tortoises used to live in the archipelago but you’ll find less than 20,000 today. Out Adventures pays the station – and George – a visit on our Galapagos Gay Cruise. Why not join us and learn more in person?

All photos courtesy of Wikipedia Commons.